Category Archives: friends

lots of firsts

This week the kids are on Fall break and we’ve been blessed to be able to do a few things we don’t normally get to do. These were also things that the girls hadn’t ever done before. It’s been a really fun filled few days!

Feeding the ducks with Granddaddy

Dad lives down the road from a lake and it’s a bit sad to say, but we’ve never taken the girls to feed the ducks. We fixed that on Monday by taking popcorn and bread (and the girls, of course) to feed the ducks. The girls were a bit hesitant at first, but then got right into it. And the ducks got a great snack!

Wow, look at all our tickets!!!!

After feeding the ducks we took the girls to the local Family Fun Center. Pizza for lunch and lots of games. It didn’t take long for Reagan to learn to say, “Hey Granddaddy, I need more money.” I stopped counting how many times he went to the change machine for quarters. They had a really good time and it was fun to watch them taking everything in and getting so excited over the games.

First bowling trip!

Anthony’s cousins, Hope and Darren, had come over for a couple of days, and Anthony’s best friend Jake was here too. It was a full house, but so great to hear all the laughter!! Tuesday night we took everyone bowling, it was a first for the girls. I’m pretty sure everyone had a great time! We had two lanes, one for the big kids and one for Zale, the girls, and me. Zale had a great score and beat us, and Hope beat all the boys on their lane.

funny faces....they weren't interested in giving me real smiles, but this works too.

Yesterday the house seemed very quite after everyone went back to their own homes. It was such a pleasure to have all the kids here and they were so much fun to be around!! The girls especially loved spending time with Hope. Can’t wait til they can all come over again! What a wonderful Fall break!

The Fork

With the girls, going out to eat is always a bit challenging for me. Especially in a place like Kabuto’s. Even though Hannah and Reagan are becoming much more independent, you put them in an unfamiliar place and they’d rather sit on my lap (at the same time) than in a chair of their own.

I’m not sure how long ago, but it’s been quite awhile, maybe even last year, we were eating at Kabuto as a family. If I remember correctly, it was during a “fire show” at the Hibachi grill that one of the girls crawled into my lap. With all the up and down, in and out of my lap, things are bound to find themselves falling from the table onto the floor, or into my purse.

I usually keep my purse at my feet instead of hooked on the back of my chair because I’m a little paranoid of someone grabbing it.  And I usually keep it open for easy access. As a result, when I got home that night, I discovered a fork from the restaurant in my purse. I was too embarrassed to just take it back and say something like, “I promise I didn’t mean to steal it!”. My intent was just to sneak it back on the table the next time we ate there. I didn’t want to keep it in my purse, so I just put in our silverware drawer in a separate slot from the rest of our forks until we went back to the restaurant.

Of course,  we ate there quite a few times and I would always forget about the fork until I was eating or we had gotten back home again. The thought of mailing it back to them crossed my mind, but that seemed a bit much. So last week, my neighbor (who’s one of the best people I know, by the way) and I went to lunch together, at Kabuto, and I finally remembered to take the fork with me.

I was trying to be sneaky about it so I wouldn’t be too obvious. I also wanted to do it soon after we got there so I wouldn’t forget again. (Which was a good possibility)  I tried to hide the fork in my hand to place it back on the table. And of course, as soon as I go to put it on the table, the server walks up for our drink order. I probably looked guilty at that point, because even though I was trying to do something right, I still felt like I was doing something wrong.

Kinda like when I go to buy the real Sudafed behind the counter at the pharmacy because the meth makers had to ruin it for the rest of us. And while having to show my drivers license and give my blood type to buy a $5.00 box of sinus relief, in the back of my mind I’m wondering if people are judging me. Not that it really matters, it’s just how I feel.

Anyway, I finally succeed in putting the fork back on the table (unnoticed, I think), and then zipped up my purse so it wouldn’t happen again!!! Ah, the adventures we’d never have if not for motherhood!!

School Days

Is this really possible? Does time really have to go by this quickly??? In a very short while we will be going through two major milestones for our family. First, Anthony will be starting his senior year in high school. Really?? While I’m pondering how the time was able to get away from me like that I’m reminded that Hannah will be starting Kindergarten at the same time. Not quite sure I’m ready to handle all these changes at once!

Now I realize these things are necessary and have to happen. Doesn’t mean I have to like it! Zale often reminds me of what Bill Cosby said, something about the goal being to get the children grown and out of the house before we die. ha. ha. It’s not near as amusing when it’s your own kids coming closer and closer to moving out!

Life as I’ve known it over the last five years is about to drastically change. Now comes the mornings of waking up not one, but three kids, and starting a whole new family routine. With Anthony it’s somewhat easy, wake him up and let him do his thing. But with Hannah it’s going to be a whole different story. Things will be different for Reagan too as she gets use to not being around Hannah every minute of the day. Everything is changing, and I know it has to, I’m just not looking forward to so much change happening at one time. We’ll adapt though, we always do!

Now if I can get get over crying every time I look at Hannah’s schedule, and see the list of all the other names of little ones in her class, that hopefully she will develop friendships with to last a lifetime!

Yesterday Anthony, his girlfriend, best friend, and I went shopping with my Dad for Anthony’s school clothes. Dad was so generous and paid for everything.  (Thank you Dad!!!) Anthony got some great clothes and we had a good time shopping and laughing together. Next weekend it will be Hannah’s turn. She has enough clothes but there’s two pages of supplies that she’ll need for Kindergarten. So many that the teacher actually e mailed and said to bring the supplies on registration day in a trash bag labeled with their names on it. Dad has offered to take care of that too, so another fun shopping trip, this time with Hannah, Dad and I.

Ready or not, school, here we come!

liars

So what do you do when people lie to you? I’ve always taught Anthony that without your word, you don’t have anything. You won’t go very far in life if people can’t trust you. He also knows that the biggest punishments will come from lying to me. But how do you handle someone who flat out lies to you? And not just once, but is so mysteries all the time that you never really know what to believe.

I was recently lied to by someone who is supposed to be close to me, family. I was so taken back by the situation, that I didn’t call them out on it.  I had to have time to process the situation. The next morning I typed up an e mail that I thought was appropriate, but started second guessing myself and first e mailed it to a couple of people for their advice.

The advice was to let it go. I didn’t like that advice, but realized that it probably wasn’t best for the relationships involved to continue rocking the boat. As much as I would like to. But someone pointed out to me that most of this person’s life is based on mystery and possible half truths. So in the end it probably won’t change anything, except damage the relationship further, if I make a bigger deal out of it.

Earlier today I realized that I haven’t prayed about the situation, which is the very first thing I should have done anyway. So I finally did, and just asked that God direct my path and let me know what He wanted me to do. I just felt Him say “let it go”. So three to one, I guess, I’ll have to let it go.

It is such a shame though, that family is supposed to be who you can trust the most, who will always be there for you and have your back, but many times that’s not the case. Thankfully, God is and will put others in our lives to help fill those voids.

unburdened

About a year ago I was told that my Mom’s second husband (I’ll call him Jack) was dead. This brought about unexpected emotions. This was not a good man, at least not 26 years ago when Mom was married to him. He was very controlling, verbally abusive along with being abusive in other ways, and used religion to back up his actions. I’ll spare you more details. Anyway, if I wanted to be bitter about it, it would be very easy to do. But I’ve spent my life working on getting over what this man did to me and Mom, and the impact that made on the rest of our family.

In being a follower of Christ I’m a huge believer of this scripture, taken from BibleGateway.com:

Colossians 3:12-14 (NIV)

12“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”

For me, even though I know this verse to be true, it’s still one of the hardest things for me to follow. Because my human nature wants “Jack” to suffer for what he put us through.  Almost like Jonah got mad at God after saving the Ninevites. But through my relationship with God, I know that this man is loved by God just as much as God loves me. And I know that no matter what “Jack’s” sins are, he can still experience God’s love, mercy, and Grace.

Back to last year, I found it odd to hear that “Jack” had died. I guess I always thought that one day I would see him or talk to him one more time, tell him off, maybe even cuss him out, or tell him that I do forgive him. I know, quite a range of emotions there. Out of curiosity I did a few internet searches to see if I could find his obituary. There wasn’t one to be found. I enlisted Zale’s help (he loves to do research) and we found a phone number that was just a year or two old, and an address. The phone number was a dead end, so I figured the address was too. By asking  friends who still live in the same area, we found out that he was still alive and doing well. So for the last year, on and off, I’ve been looking for another way to contact him.

A couple of weeks ago, after doing more searches on line for a current phone number or address, I came across his brother’s information (I’ll call him Mike). So I said a quick prayer, took a deep breath, made the phone call and left a message on voice mail. I even told “Mike” that he could give “Jack” my phone number and/or e mail address. When I didn’t hear anything back for a few days I figured it was another dead end and kind of put it out of my mind.

Last week, my phone rings early in the morning (or early for me anyway) and it was an Arkansas area code. I’m still in contact with several people there (it’s where I grew up) and figured it was one of them. I was still too sleepy to talk to anyone, so I let it go to voice mail. A few hours later, with Hannah sitting on one side of me and Reagan on the other, as well as my laptop on my lap, I listened to the voice mail. And almost dropped the phone when I heard “Jack’s” voice. “MIke” had given him the message and he was calling me back. I was absolutely stunned. The first thought that went through my head was “Why in the world did I start this? What did I want to say to him again?” My mind went blank and my mouth went dry. I came very close to having my first ever panic attack that day. I realized that I no longer had a clue what I wanted to say to him or how to react. Even though I started this, I suddenly felt completely caught of guard and unprepared.

I let Zale know what had happened so he could start praying, and called my Dad (other than Zale, my biggest source of support), and then my Mom. I also sent out an e mail to three ladies that I knew would start praying for me right away, and then went about my day. I decided I wasn’t going to call him back surrounded by kids and the other daily activities that go on around here. I didn’t want to be distracted during the call. “Jack” called my phone three more times during the day, but didn’t leave any more messages.

That evening I went to get some groceries, had been praying and read the Bible for a while to get prepared. After listening to some praise and worship music in the car, I finally felt prepared to call “Jack” back. It was the weirdest conversation I’ve probably ever had, but in the end, I told him that I had truly forgiven him. It wasn’t a real deep or detailed conversation, but he said that he appreciated it.

All the mixed emotions I had been feeling all day finally went away. I was numb for a couple of hours, but after that I realized that my anger and need to “let him have it” had gone away. I’m sure there will be times that I’ll still struggle with those parts of my childhood, but for now, I feel unburdened. And that’s a huge blessing.

Kitchen Nightmare

Wednesday night I took a couple of girls from our life group and met a good friend from church at an elderly lady’s house to help her with some things before her inspection (she lives in government housing). We split up the duties to maximize our time there. The girls helped sort through a closet and a few other things, my friend was sent to the store for some groceries, and I was tasked with cleaning the oven. I’m a little ashamed to admit that I’ve never cleaned an oven before in my life. EVER. But, at first look I didn’t think it was really going to be an issue. It looked pretty clean to me. But I’ve learned that clean is a relative term.

While showing me what needed to be clean (with a flashlight), Ms X was telling me that she thought the oven door should come off to make cleaning easier. Since I didn’t think the oven was that bad I told her I thought I’d work around it. But after getting in there with a FLASHLIGHT at Ms X’s instance, I discovered there was going to be more to it than I originally thought. It may have been easier if I had been allowed to use a cleaner designed for ovens, but she was worried about the chemical smell, so I was armed with some generic Simple Green cleaning spray and generic soap scrubbing pads. I may have well been using water and a sponge. The task just got  A LOT harder!

So after much elbow grease and time I was finally able to see some improvement, but getting to the back wall of the oven was proving to be a problem. I just couldn’t get enough leverage to scrub the gunk off. So I figured I’d go ahead and take off the oven door since Ms X had made the point to bring it up in the first place, for her that usually means she wants you to it.

It made a horrible racket when I took off the oven door, and I knew right away putting the door back on was going to be a problem, but I figured it was made to come off, there had to be a way to put it back on. Well, there was, but it was more than I could do alone.

So two hours later, oven is finally clean, rinsed and dried. I made a few attempts to get the door back on with the help of my friend, but saw pretty quickly that it wasn’t going to happen. So I called Zale, who came to my rescue. Did I mention he had been working all day and then push mowed most of our 1/2 acre worth of yard?  Thankfully Anthony was able to watch the girls.  Another two hours later, after taking the oven door apart and the side panels off the oven, Zale was able to get the door back on and everything put back in it’s place. My hero!

So just a bit of friendly advice, if someone tells you the oven door is supposed to come off when cleaning the oven, ignore them. Crawl inside of the thing if you have to, but do not, ever, take off the door! I’m sure I’ll be able to look back at this experience one day and laugh, but for now it’s still too soon. Maybe when our wounds heal and the bruises fade, it will be easier. Happy cleaning everyone!

8

Yesterday at exactly 3:23 AM Anthony turned 17.  His birthday’s usually turn into birthday weekends and he’ll have friends over for a gaming night or movies then have his “party” with more friends and family on Sunday afternoon. This year wasn’t much different.

But, yesterday morning I decided I was going to give Anthony one more birthday present. After he left for school I started cleaning his room for him. The cleaning part didn’t take too long. But it amazes me what I’ll find. Countless socks stuck in bookshelves, behind his TV in the corner, everywhere. And more sharpie markers than socks. One trash bag full of trash and about an hour later, I was done…except….

For his room to really be clean, it involves laundry too. So I decided as a EXTRA special birthday gift I’d do his laundry (He’s been doing his own for 3 or 4 years now). All 5 loads, plus 3 loads of my own, meant 8 loads of laundry in one day. I couldn’t believe I got it all done. Even paired up his socks for him.

I met him at the door when he got home from school,  he was immediately suspicious. I walked with him to his room with him looking at me and saying, “Mom, stop, you’re acting weird. Quit it” Then we got to his room and I wish I had thought to bring the camera for his reaction. I guess shock or disbelief was the first look, and then appreciation.

It was worth the effort to make his day just a little more special. I’m still having  a hard time believing that he’s really 17. I’m not liking this much, but I know it has to happen. He’s such a good kid, and I’m so proud of him! Not to mention how blessed I am to be his Mom!

But I may need to be on tranquilizers next year for his 18th. It will be much easier to live in denial that way!

Mother’s Day and Birthday party

Mother's Day gifts

These wonderful flowers are from Sarah, Anthony’s girlfriend.  And this amazing picture was drawn by my awesome son. It’s so beautiful, I almost cried when he gave it to me this morning. Can’t wait to get it framed!

Zale was wonderful and made me breakfast this morning. He tried to make me breakfast in bed, but I woke up too early. He had a beautiful card for me and one from the kids. Not to mention all the work he’s done around here today! He’s the best! I also got cards from my parents and movie tickets. It was Anthony’s 17th birthday party today too, so a mixed celebration. Lots of fun, family, friends, and yummy food!

cherry o' cream pie, dirt cake, and a Reese's Blizzard ice cream cake

Facebook…oops…

Yesterday I was on Facebook just looking at everyone status when I came across a post from my Dad to one of my best friends from High School. He was inviting her to a birthday dinner he’s put together for me this weekend. She lives in Alabama, so he was trying to see if there was anyway she could make a mini road trip to surprise me.

Dad isn’t on Facebook often, so he didn’t think about that post being seen by anyone other than her. Here’s part of the phone conversation we had yesterday afternoon.

Me: So,  have you been on Facebook lately?

Him: No…why?

Me: You sure?

Him: Yes….why????

Me: You know when you right on someone’s wall, other people can see it too, right?

Him: NOOOOOOOOOO……I should have sent her a message, right?

Me: Yep! But thank you!!!

It was pretty funny…it still makes me smile! And I’m very grateful to have such a thoughtful Dad that would go out of his way to plan something so special for me. Even if she can’t make it, I’m very touched that he tried. Best Dad ever!

new puppy??

a Boarder Collie puppy

After getting home from our road trip yesterday morning, I checked my e mail and got on Face Book for a few minutes before crashing in the recliner. I had a brief thought of posting on Face book that anyone who wanted to offer us a puppy/dog, to please not even mention it. I was really missing Griffin and knew if someone offered it would be really hard to say no to another dog. But I had the fleeting thought as I was drifting off to sleep that it wasn’t necessary, who in the world would offer us a dog?

I kid you not, when I woke up early afternoon, I checked my Face Book and had a message from Zale’s Aunt offering us an 8 week old Boarder Collie that was weened, dewormed, and had it’s first shots. (The picture above is just a reference, not one that we were offered)  Zale was at a mock court trial State competition so I couldn’t call him, but I texted him. His reply was, “Hablo? no read anglis….” In my mind all I could picture was this adorable fuzzy little puppy that the girls would love, who knows what Anthony’s reaction would be, but a huge part of me was thinking, “I still have the GPS in the car, I could drive up to Kentucky (where Joyce has her farm) and probably be back before Zale gets home. I know, more craziness. We’ve had a dog in this house since May of 2004 when we got Gracie. When she passed in December, we still had Griffin. Now that he’s gone (and with the kids being gone this weekend) the house is so quiet it’s almost spooky.

But I refrained from going to Kentucky and I went to church instead. I was talking to two of my girlfriends about it at church and my exact words were, “I need you to talk me down from the whole puppy thing.” They did a very good job! Zale met me at church and then we went to dinner. I still plead my case a little about getting the puppy, but Zale’s logic prevailed. He agreed that a smaller / medium sized dog that wouldn’t need a fence may be in our future, but a Boarder Collie may not be the right kind of dog for us. It would probably still need a fence. After doing some research on line, I agreed. But then went on every Humane Society website in our area to look at other dogs/puppies.

So while I’m searching on line, Zale is saying, hey, if we had another dog we’d have to take it out right now! It would be whining and scratching at the door wanting to go out, or just peeing on the carpet. Subtle, I know. So even though I do miss Griffin, I think Zale is right. We should wait to get another dog until we have a fence. Since that’s probably not going to happen for awhile, I’ll just have to borrow Oz or Lily (Dad’s German Shepard dogs) every now and then to get that “doggie fix”.